The cheating on my for eight months part really isn't bothering me right now, ok he fucked her, I don't know mostly thats all I wanted was to know, I am not so mad right now, I might of fucked her if I wasn't so gosh dam monogamous. But we do this thing to let out the tension, I like it anyway I make him tell me about fucking her when he fucks me, ok I know how messed up I am, it works though, but I asked him to tell me about the other girls he fucked, come on lets be reasonable there has to be more, so he told me about these girls I suspected he might have cheated on me with and said he fucked then 5-6 times, so that means 20 right? It did nothing like it usually does all of a sudden I was having a panic attack and was loosing it, I was thinking about hurting him and he was on top of me, I acted like I had an orgasm and rolled off, I think he still ended up pulling me down and finishing, I probably zoned out.
I feel better now though, He is a total scumbag, but he at this point is still my scumbag till either we grow or I cant stand fucking myself over anymore. Ya know? The funny part, ok I am sure the sick part is he tells everyone something different,
The one thing though is he said he wouldn't do the drug deals anymore, he is done, he has lived up to that word, but he still puts on this big show that he is trying to leave and do it. So since I have been hanging at his work and helping out (stalking) I watch and see he is leaving, well I told him that if he left with me there so would I, goodbye leave, so just to fuck with everyone I go to the best spot that I can't see anything and I sit and close my eyes, like run baby run, so he acts like he is going to try to leave comes and gets me and then makes me follow him around for a while like I stopped him. It's down right funny to me, if he wants this lifestyle still and if he wants to do this, go have it, it's all yours, he doesn't but does not know how to tell everyone else who wants there shit. Posting online about your mans drug dealing is stupid, I know, I am that far gong I don't care. At this point if he does it and gets caught its his own fucking fault, He says it never happened, she just gives him free drugs cause misery loves company, oh sitting around doing free drugs with a pregnant girl oh yeah well she is just fat, doing all those drugs and she is that fat? She is a compulsive eater, the first day I met her, I was in the kitchen visiting with her brother ryan, she came in and was talking and noticed Will on the porch smoking and I must of said something about him, she was like oh is that your husband, Will? I said yeah he's my man so hands off, I was kidding, I am so psychic. After I said that to her she sat and compulsively ate raw hamburger, she would break a chunk off and sprinkle salt then pepper and stuff it in her mouth over and over, then she started in on the paster as her 5 year old neice did everything she did, then the five year old leans over the garbage can and stuffs her hand down her throat and barfs. It was quite a scene, I can see how she may be fat now, being in a other women situation with an eating disorder. Life is good, life is. What the fuck go out and live for today, cause there ones of us who are giving it all away. Sounds like a fucked up guilt trip. Loveyouhoem